Dante Writes: The Worst Movie I Ever Saw

I’m usually pretty good at judging whether a movie will work out or not. Pretty good at it. I’ve rarely run into bad movies. There’s only one movie where I wanted to walk out of the theater. That movie was The Last Airbender; and I’m willing to bet many walked out and plenty more thought about it.

But, that’s not the worst movie I ever saw. No. The worst movie I ever saw was Godsend. This movie had a solid cast, including Robert De Niro. Here’s the thing: The plot and his name drew me in. This was before his career went down. Like, 2004, he was still a name you’d put in with the good actors at the time.

But this movie may have been the tipping point for him. I don’t know. What I do know is this is the worst movie I ever saw.

The acting was bad. Just bad. The directing was horrific. The script was dumb. Everything about it was bad. Again, the story was fine.

So, I watched this movie probably five years ago. This was one of the rare times I yelled at my TV. Cursing the screen’s content. I think it honestly meant to be some sort of horror flick. It really did. But, it looked like a terrible parody.

You know how they say “so bad it was actually good”? Not this movie. This is one the edge of bad. It’s right there NEXT to the line of “so bad it’s good”. It’s the worst thing I have ever seen in my life and it will likely be a top ten worst movie when I reflect on my deathbed. My God.

So, to be fair to the movie and to you, I watched it again. Good God almighty I watched in again. I’m going to spoil it because it’s not worth watching it. It’s horrible. But, if you want to watch it for yourself…

  1. You are a fool. Watching this is the equivalent of jumping out of an airplane with no parachute. You want to die.
  2. Get out now, because spoilers are on the way, as I just said.

Right, so here we go.

The first 30 minutes or so are basically setup. We meet the family. Paul, Jessie, and the boy, Adam. Adam just turned 8, and then shortly after that, he dies in some somewhat exaggerated car accident. He gets hit by the car, and he’s done.

The parents mourn like any other would. Standard. Honestly, the movie is doing alright so far. It’s not groundbreaking, but it’s fine.

So then, Robert De Niro’s character stops by and says “hey, I can clone your kid”, basically.

Now, previously, Jessie and Paul pretend to have a serious problem with ethics. So, I think what’s going on is Paul was offered a job to teach somewhere far away and he, and I quote, “feels like a sellout” because I guess he is teaching less fortunate kids.

Actually, one of his former students nearly robbed him at knife point while Paul was on his way to Adam’s birthday party. So, anyway, Jessie responds to Paul’s ethics crises with something almost terrible. She says she respects his ethics but this is all about Adam. The idea that he should be raised in a better environment.

The students and overall environment is all implied. We don’t actually hear any of the characters say that’s what life is like. But I guess the script wanted to show and not tell.

So, anyway, this doctor presents this cloning thing and Paul is immediately against it because it’s immoral. Jessie’s like, nah, we’re doing it. Eventually, Paul gives in.

Okay, now I can admit, there was a cute little scene when the new Adam is born. So, when a baby is born, you know he/she’s fine when you hear crying. Adam wasn’t crying. At some point, the doctor is asking a nurse how long the baby hasn’t cried.

Then, all of a sudden, everyone is counting the seconds. Jessie looks stressed out, then starts counting. After the 47 second, Adam starts crying. Jessie’s like “that’s what happened before” or whatever. So, basically, this means that truly this is the exact kid they had before. Even born the same way. I thought that was a nice touch.

Then the movie goes to hell.

Right, so they fast forward to Adam turning 8 again. That night…I don’t know…I think it was supposed to be scary, but it was more like…whatever.

Anyway, Adam has this thing where he was being haunted by dead Adam. He starts freaking out and Paul and Jessie take him…

Actually, this is funny. So, Paul says “Call 9-1-1!” and Jessie goes “I’m calling Richard”. I thought that was funny. Richard is the doctor, by the way.

So, the next, uh, 20 minutes is basically us watching Adam get tormented by who I believe is dead Adam. Adam also starts acting “strangely”. Here’s the kicker: Only Paul runs into odd behavior from Adam.

One particular “strange” moment is when Paul is telling Adam it’s time to eat. Adam instead just walks swiftly away. Paul walks after him, calling him. Adam then runs into the woods. Paul runs after him. Paul finally catches up to Adam in this old scrap metal looking building.

Paul goes in and sees Adam staring blankly into the air. We don’t see what he sees. We don’t know what’s going on. No idea. And then that’s it. What?

Meanwhile, Paul keeps insisting on seeing a doctor or a specialist. For what? How can you explain your son’s entire medical history? He’s a clone. If the cloning process is causing this stuff, there’s nothing anybody else can do, especially since it’s illegal. You’re screwed.

Richard actually has the most logical approach to this. Nobody knows Adam past years old. This behavior could have been inevitable regardless of clone or not. That’s really the only suspense in the movie at this point. Is this clone Adam shutting down or clone Adam continuing to follow dead Adam’s footsteps?

The acting is very mono tone, even in his stress situations. Yelling comes off as scripted, as if this was the 19th take, and they’re just tired. Otherwise, it’s a lot of just above whispering going on. It sucks.

Okay, so there was a major problem like 52 minutes into the movie. Out of freaking nowhere, as Jessie and Richard are talking, she says that Paul thinks Adam’s cells remember dead Adam.

My problem with this is there is nowhere in the movie up to that point that shows Paul coming to grips with this revelation, or even doing research on this possibility.

The closest thing we see of him rambling on about cells is DNA and genes and how they work. That’s it. Where did this idea from Paul come from? A deleted scene?

But it’s similar to how the beginning of the movie was. It was all implied that he was teaching in a rough neighborhood and that perhaps he got a job offer to teach somewhere else and I don’t know.

Just before that stupid scene, we have Adam swinging and spitting. I’m not kidding. He’s swinging on a swing and spitting on everybody he can. He jumps off and lands in a teacher’s arms and spits right in her face. No remorse. “Strange”. Scary. Suspenseful!

But back to Jessie and Richard. Once again, Richard seems to be the voice or reason. He dismisses the idea that Adam’s cells remember his past life or something. I mean, I don’t even believe that those cells could remember that. Just because the movie is terrible, doesn’t mean it’s not able to follow its rules.

Paul continues to not understand he’s an idiot. So, he decides finally to see a specialist. While talking to the specialist, he runs into the same wall that Richard built: These dreams or night terrors are common; he’ll out grow them.

Paul then says, “this is something different”. Yes, Paul, we know that. But, it’s impossible to explain how this is different because it’s a clone thing, fool. Until someone has all of the information, they can only do but so much. Adam sounds like any other child and that’s it.

Okay, so during this visit, we find out about Zachary. I’m assuming this is dead Adam, who has basically been haunting Adam. Adam describes Zach as the boy living in his dreams. Fine. Whatever.

It’s an hour and 16 minutes into the movie. God help me. This is one of those cheap scare tactics that just doesn’t have a place. So, Paul goes into the city trying to figure out who Zach is.

Eventually, he reaches an address and visits the home. The current own says she doesn’t know the name and doesn’t know the previous owners. Fine. Paul goes back into his car to figure out his next move. The camera follows his line of sight, essentially. He gets in his car, bends over in it to look at some note, and then the camera pans up and we see the woman from the house is on the verge of slamming on the window.

This pissed me off and I immediately paused the movie and rambled about it before writing it out here. Here’s the thing…she did not have to slam on the window the way she did. She was slamming on it like you’d imagine slamming on a door or window because you’re either trying to scare or fight over a competing noise.

And it’s not like Paul was driving off and she got desperate. The car wasn’t even on. She was aggressive for no reason.

There was no competing noise, so I gotta go with she was trying to scare Paul. Let me add that her face flashed of malice. Like, she was mad at Paul for showing up. But then, she softens and says a nanny that she interviewed has known the previous owners.

Paul visits the nanny who tells the story of Zach. Zach is not dead Adam as I originally thought. No, he’s a dead kid who killed his mom. At the end of the conversation, she says his dad was at the hospital, as usual. He was a doctor.

At this point, it’s implied to me at least that Zach’s father is Richard, which builds up various scenarios and questions. One pressing me the most is did he construct Adam’s DNA to be just like Adam for the first 8 years, but then shift to being like Zach? So, it’s interesting.

Beyond this point is so f’d up in so many ways. The last 30 minutes of this movie was a blur of foolishness. Let me see if I can just bullet point this out.

  • Adam finds photos of himself…his previous self. Jessie tries to explain but Adam runs away. She barely calls out for him. No urgency to get him back. K.
  • Richard is at a funeral and Paul finds him there. He confronts Richard about Zach and all of that. Paul “punches” Richard. No he doesn’t. All you see is a fist land on Richard’s shoulder and he falls back like he got knocked in the jaw. GTFOH.
  • Still in this “fight”, Richard retaliates by whacking Paul upside the head with a candle stand. Except, no it lands on Paul’s…sigh…shoulder. Paul falls over and somehow the front of his head looks like it’s been blown even though the back of the head is where the action’s at.
  • No. NO, NO, NO. So, after getting knocked out by the candle stick, we jump back to Jessie somehow following Adam to the metal shack that he and Paul were in before. She goes in there and eventually Adam is behind her, ready to swing the axe and finish her off. But then, freaking Paul jumps in and stops it. How?

No, seriously, how? How did he wake up, drive over there, and manage to make no noise while getting in there? It can’t be. And he’s no longer bleeding. No dry blood or anything.

How would he immediately think to rush over there? It’s impossible unless there’s a major time gap that we just don’t see. Even then, the movie implies this stuff is happening simultaneously, so I rebuke that. This was some lazy “last second hero” BS. That’s what this is. The f*ck!

So, this scene ends with Paul asking Adam “who are you right now?”, in reference to either Adam or Zach. Adam replies “I’m your son”, then gives this really weird smile. Pretty sure he smiled like that because that was supposed to be creepy, but it failed.

So, it blacks out and we jump six months into the future. We see that Richard essentially dropped off the face of the earth, but he’s still trying to make another Zach.

Meanwhile, Paul, Jessie, and Adam move somewhere. Adam is still haunted by Zach as the movie essentially ends with another terrible scare. Roll credits; I’m done.

It has a 4% score on Rotten Tomatoes. The Audience score is a sky high 20%. IT’S BAD.

The fact that I sat through it again really opened my eyes to how BORING the movie was. It was boring. So many things sucked about it. It wasn’t scary; but I could forgive that. It wasn’t suspenseful, but I could forgive that. It wasn’t funny; but I could forgive that. I could forgive anything except for the fact that it was boring. That’s the worst thing to be. Boring. Like I said, it wasn’t able to be bad enough to be good. It was pure bad. That’s the real nightmare of it all.

Godsend is the worst movie I have ever seen, and it’s not close. My ability to generally avoid bad movies means that I likely won’t find something to top this. The plot and cast drew me in, but this was a lie. De Niro owed someone something and this movie was it. He looked like he didn’t care. Nobody cared.

If God truly had sent this, then I need to really reevaluate my salvation status because this was a pure, PURE Sh!T SHOW. Ugh!

If you have not seen this, don’t do it. Don’t. I promise you, you will regret it. Almost two more hours of my life gone. Wasted.

Tell me the worst movie you’ve ever seen.

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