Dante Writes: My Make You Laugh Bucket List

I love to make people laugh. I love seeing people’s face and hearing the laughter roar out. But I want my comedy to be powerful. And I want people to laugh a certain way. I present to you, my list of ways to make you laugh; and I want to do it before I die. Here we go:

Pee On Yourself:

There is a point I believe where you can laugh so hard that you lose control of some of your body parts/functions. Well, here’s an example: bladder control. I want you to laugh so hard you pee on yourself. Even if it’s a little bit. Piss away the stress as you giggle at my awesome comedy.

Cry:

I still don’t really understand how it happens but people have cried while laughing; I know I have. And out of everything on this list, this is the only one where I actually succeeded in on a consistent basis. I want tears streaming down your face. I want you to look like you’re at a loved one’s funeral. I want your tears to be able to quench the thirst of all of America.

Die:

On a dark side, I would like to make you laugh to the point you die; most likely from a lack of air because you’re just laughing so much; too much to breathe. One of my semi-favorite shows, 1,000 Ways to Die, had one guy die from laughter; although in that case, he literally laughed for over a day and one of the things that happens when you laugh is that your heart and respiratory system is irregular; if only for the moment you’re laughing. In a continual state of laughter, it can really mess up your body. If my jokes make you laugh like that, then great.

Fall out of your seat:

This is one I’ve been able to pull off, but not often enough. If you’re sitting down, I want to make you so weak from laughter that you end up “ROTFLMAO!”. I’ve had moments myself where I just had to lie on the floor because I couldn’t stand or sit any longer. I love watching that happen to everybody.

Snort like a pig:

As mentioned earlier, laughing can take your breath away. And while laughing, you’ll need to inhale so you can avoid suffocating. Welp, I want you to inhale so deeply you end up snorting.

Make a scene in public:

I love this one. Let’s say we’re in Wal-Mart ok? And I crack one of my awesome jokes and you just roar with laughter. Right there. In the aisle with 7 other people. You don’t mean to, but the urge to laugh is too great to contain; you just gotta let it out! People will stare at you; including me, like you’re crazy.

And that’s about it. I want you to laugh, laugh, laugh. And I will not rest until I get people to laugh through the list I have here. Really, I will not rest, my spirit will haunt those that don’t even laugh.

-DALANEL

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